


ash

by aseriesofessays



Series: crush [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: The Extinction, extinction!martin, its what he deserves and im standing by it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 05:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20577308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aseriesofessays/pseuds/aseriesofessays
Summary: he needs to see what comes next.--how does an avatar rip his fear away? martin ventures into the foggy world grey and pulls color out of the walls with bright shocks of pain. he doesn’t forget that he’s lonely because it is part of him but he pulls rage, bright red, to the surface, and paints the walls with it. he chokes on it, lets it swallow him, lets it buzz in his ears.





	ash

**Author's Note:**

> uh

he’d thought that by now he’d have a diary, or a book, or a flat with his things in it. something for someone to take after he’s, like, gone, so they keep some part of him- he’s still alive, he thinks, but now he’s not sure there’s anything of him to be kept.

he used to be so, so scared of jane prentiss and her worms, but now he wonders what it’s like to never ever be alone- to not feel a gnawing hunger for touch, any type of touch, even peter’s cool, calloused hand to remind him that he’s alive. the world is dull muffled grey, the clacking of a keyboard typing out letters that don’t make sense, and he rests his chin in his cold palms and try to imagine the song- or the warm embrace of earth, or the heat of fire. god, sometimes he think of fire and it brings tears to his eyes- the thought of warmth on his skin. he hasn’t felt the sun in what feels like forever. twice that.

in his daydreams he doesn’t have a world to save- he’s afraid, but he has chosen something perfect to be afraid of. he can’t ever love his loneliness, it eats and tears at him too much for that- it’s numb agony. fire would hurt, hurt, hurt, but it would love him and accept him and melt him right down to the perfect size. the earth would take him and crush him and embrace him and the worms- or bugs, or spiders, or anything- would sing sing sing and keep him company. he’s always wanted company and no one has ever wanted to give it to him. he has always wanted so much more than he’s been given.

is it fair?

is it fair? he’s asked himself this before and come up with platitudes. his mother is so sick, and she needs him, and he’s brave for stepping up- jon’s just snappish because he’s tired, tim and sasha don’t invite him out because they know he’s busy, he has never had a best friend, he’s never fucking had a best friend, not ever, but it’s because he’s always working. money for your mother. never been kissed, never been fucked. he’s busy, not attractive enough or rich enough to afford anything other than thrift store clothes. not good enough, sure, but what he’s due, what he deserves. what does he deserve now? lonely, perfectly, truly lonely, mouth sealed shut tight, hands too heavy to write, to lift food to his mouth, to move. he sits numb and dreams of something different.

—

he just wants-

here’s what he wants.

he wants to be seen. he wants to be known. he wants to be loved.

here’s what he needs:

anything other than this, because he’s wasting away, this is killing him, and there is no reason to feed the lonely. he’s given it everything and it’s given back cold emptiness, spaces between his ribs and the notches of his spine.

here’s what he needs, too:

he needs peter to melt, or crush, or drop, or be consumed. to be known until he is nothing or to become nothing, to be hunted, to be slaughtered, to be anything but the only thing in martin’s world. he needs peter to end. he needs someone to save him.

he needs to save himself.

—

he needs to see what comes next.

—

how does an avatar rip his fear away? martin ventures into the foggy world grey and pulls color out of the walls with bright shocks of pain. he doesn’t forget that he’s lonely because it is part of him but he pulls rage, bright red, to the surface, and paints the walls with it. he chokes on it, lets it swallow him, lets it buzz in his ears.

he will end the fucking world to kill peter. he will taste the ash and the extinction and he thinks, heart dripping on his tongue, it will be sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> is this part of the series? no not really do i care though ??? not really either. my single braincell says Martin Rights and unfortunately that means everyone else went poof although if you want you can imagine, like, jon Knowing this would happen and sort of herding the archives into a bunker and then when all is said and done they pop up like Hey :) and martins like oh hey guys holy shit and THEN hes not even LONELY, you see


End file.
